Survivor 20XX
by Indigo X
Summary: This is it- the self-proclaimed 'mother of all MM/Survivor parodies'! Join my original MMX charachter Indy, several Mechadrake.com regulars, and of course, the cast of Mega Man vs. the cast of Mega Man X! PG-13 for general comic naughtiness.
1. Episode 1

Survivor 20XX  
Outland - Outback - Outhouse  
  
*the camera pans over a sparkling blue ocean until it reaches a tiny tropical island, where it zooms in. we can see beaches, two council clearings, cliffs, and a large, military-style base in the center. Standing in front of this is Indigo X, Maverick Huntress and head honcho of the 'Survivor 20XX' project. MDA TV gave her vast budget to make a Survivor series better than CBS', and she has spent this budget frivolously- on beer, mostly. By her side is her sidekick Protoman. He has absolutely no TV experience, is a self-made recluse, and has a bit of a schizo problem (remember Mega Man III?), but he works cheap. Both are clutching a larger-than-necessary Foster's.*  
  
Indy: Welcome to Iwannamilliondollar Island. This tropical paradise will be home to sixteen individuals within the course of the next eight weeks. Over on the East Side is where the Mega tribe will call home, while the West Side will be the home of the X tribe. The tribes will be arriving shortly, and we'll get the ball rolling. *Indy takes a swig of her beer*   
  
Proto: That's right, Indy. The tribesmen and tribeswomen will be trying to outlast each other for a chance at the grand prize- all of Dr. Wily's stolen booty for a year. *he eyes Indy-or does he? Who can tell with the visor?* Ummm... easy with the beer there, Indy.  
  
Indy: *slurred a teensy bit* Ah, I can hold my liquor, little boy. *back to camera* The tribes will be roughing it- grabbing what they can from the supply pile what they can and use said supplies to make life a little easier- but not much. While they struggle to survive, we here at Central Control will be monitoring their progress from our air-conditioned, full-service Central HQ, which, might I add, is stocked with enough beer to kill a full-grown horse.  
  
Proto: *under breath* Or keep Indy satisfied for 15 minutes... *normal voice, to camera* Anyway, Not only are we at Central Control going to be keeping tabs on the castaways, our faithful 'Eyes in the Sky' helicopter will be keeping an arial vigil. Now, let's cut to our good friends Za, Omega, and Captain Gyro Man in the Rateater 1. Guys?  
  
*camera cuts to the inside of the Rateater 1- a posh, state of the art helicopter. Za and Omega are lounging in the on-board hot tub with a nice, cool Pina Colada each. Gyro Man, the pilot, is flying with one hand and gripping a copy of Penthouse with the other.*  
  
Za: Thanks, Proto. This is Za, here with my partner Omega.  
  
Omega: HiHi.  
  
Za: And over there is the man keeping us from crashing, our captain, Gyro Man!   
  
*camera zooms in on Gyro Man, who is avidly scoping the Penthouse and paying no attention to flying whatsoever.*   
  
Gyro: Yeeeeeeah baby.... Come to Papa....*he notices the camera, and tosses the porno aside in a flustered manner.* Hey! Get the camera outta my face! I can't see where I'm going with that honkin' camera right there!  
  
*camera quickly pans to Omega, who is blushing.*  
  
Omega: OhhhKayyyy.... Oh, look! There's the ship! The Mega tribe is arriving!   
  
*camera shoots out the window and zooms in on a large white cruise ship. The Mega tribe, members of the original Mega Man cast, are aboard and look excited- except for Bass, who looks vaguely indifferent.*  
  
Za: Back to you, Indy.  
  
*Camera feed switches back to Central Control, where Indy and Proto are looking at each other in fear of the porno-obsessed chopper pilot.*  
  
Proto: *to Indy, quietly* I tell ya, Indy, if that copter doesn't crash before this whole thing is over, It'll be a friggin' miracle.  
  
Indy: *to Proto, also quietly* I hear ya... boy, I wouldn't want to be Za or Omega on this little excursion... hey, does that light mean that the camera is on?  
  
Proto: I do believe so.  
  
Indy: Oh, Sweet Mother of Jesus. In the name of all that's good and sweet in Dr. Light's beard, PLEASE cut to a commercial.  
  
*Commercial break. Ads for the Juiceman, Bless the Child, Foster's, Crono Cross (sweeeeet), the upcoming WWF pay-per-view, and Quaker Chewy granola bars.*  
  
*camera cuts back to Indy and Proto, who are now standing on the island's tiny dock. Several small boats are headed ashore.*  
  
Indy: And here come the dinghies!  
  
*Proto stifles a chuckle, but fails and ends up laughing aloud. Indy raises an eyebrow.*  
  
Indy: Proto, what is the MATTER with you?  
  
Proto: Nothing. *still snickering* Dinghies.  
  
*Indy shakes head*  
  
Indy: Anyways, while the Mega tribe is coming ashore...  
  
Proto: *laughing like a loon* On their dinghies!  
  
Indy: *glaring at Proto* Yeah. While they're coming ashore, let's go to Central HQ's Time Travel department, where Time Travel experts Sailor Pluto and Sailor Chibi-Moon are about to bring the X tribe from the future.  
  
*camera cuts to a large, warehouse-like room in HQ's basement. Several clocks and calendars are on the walls, and a desk covered with mathematical equations and time-space theories is in the corner.*  
  
Pluto: Thank you, Indy. This is Central's Time Retrieval/Replacement room. Here, my partner Chibi-Moon and I will retrieve our X tribe from the future, and send them back once they are voted off.  
  
Chibi: We brought Indy here from the future, for example. Now, without further ado, let's bring the X tribe to Iwannamilliondollar Island in the year 20XX!  
  
*she raises her Key pendant to the sky.*  
  
MOON... CRYSTAL... KEY!  
  
*A cloud swirls about the ceiling, and the X tribe falls through, landing in a heap.*  
  
Pluto: Good job, Chibi-Moon! But next time, you should calculate the landing space and put a mattress or something under it.  
  
Zero: Whoa, what a trip.  
  
Sigma: Delightful. Now could you please remove your posterior from my face?  
  
X: Shut up and just get your Mr. Clean self off of my foot!  
  
*The X tribe continues to squabble and try to untangle themselves from each other.*  
  
Pluto: *sweatdrop* Ummmm... back to you, Indy.  
  
*camera cuts back to Indy, who is chasing four Aleve with the remainder of her Oil Can.*  
  
Indy: Now that both tribes are here, there's one more little rule I should mention. When making this show up, the powers that be were afraid of some horrible, Lord of the Flies type disaster where all the people on the island would snap, revert to some primal state, and start cannibalizing each other and the film crew. I told them I'd get a remedy for that problem just in case, and here she is!  
  
*Sailor Saturn, carrying her Silence Glaive, walks into camera range and gives a little bow.*  
  
Indy: Saturn here has agreed to use her Death Reborn Revolution to blow up the island if things get too... messy. That is, blow up the island after yours truly is safety off.   
  
Proto: *whispering to Indy* Indy, doesn't Death Reborn Revolution blow up the whole Earth?  
  
Indy: *whispering harshly* Shut UP.  
  
Saturn: *sweatdrop* I'm going inside now. That okay?  
  
Indy: Fine. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge.  
  
*Saturn leaves as both tribes come through the jungle to the front of HQ. Mega tribe is on the left, X tribe is on the right. Indy addresses the tribes.*  
  
Indy: Welcome, X tribe and Mega tribe. Just to get started, will the eight Mega tribe members please step forward and introduce themselves now?  
  
*The Mega tribe comes forward and states their names- Mega Man, Dr. Light, Roll, Bass, Dr. Wily, Tengu Man, Plant Man, and Pluto.*   
  
Indy: Nice to meet you all. X tribe! Mah homies! Tell the world who ya are!  
  
*The X tribe also introduces themselves: X, Zero, Colonel, Sigma, Vile, Iris, Toxic Seahorse, and Crystal Snail.*  
  
Proto: Okay guys, let's get started. Here before you is a big ass pile of supplies. You have all have thirty seconds to grab as many supplies as you can. These will last you eight weeks, so choose wisely, and... *he glances at the Mega tribe, and smirks at Indy* ...may the best tribe win.  
  
Indy: *glancing toward the X tribe* You heard 'em, boys... may the best tribe win. Put thirty seconds on the clock, readyyyyy.... And GO!  
  
*The tribes scramble for the supplies. There's a bunch of stuff that would be useful on a long camping trip.*  
  
Pluto: I got a first aid kit!  
  
Sigma: I got a toolbox!  
  
Tengu: I got hammocks!  
  
Dr. Light: *forlornly* I got a rock.  
  
Indy: Aaaaannnddd.... HOLD IT! Okay, time's up. Head back to your camps, and get settled in- you'll have 8 weeks to get to know your surroundings.  
  
*The tribes grab their seized supplies and head back.*  
  
Indy: And that's all the time we have for tonight. From our Island to you...  
  
Proto: Goodnight, and don't let the hideous, oversized mosquitoes bite!  
  



	2. Episode 2

Survivor 20XX  
- - - - -  
Outthere-Overwhere-Underwear  
  
Episode 2: Week 1  
  
*camera pans over Iwannamilliondollar, swooping to Central HQ's sweeping back porch with full service wet bar. Indy is lounging in a hammock nursing a Mudslide, while her ever-faithful partner Protoman is snoozing in a hammock of his own with an issue of Mad Magazine over his face. Sailor Saturn, head of the Emergency Destruction Dept., is lounging on the deck in a black bikini, taking in the sun. An indigo owl is perched on a stand beside Indy's hammock. Indigo sees the camera and waves lethargically, then notices her still-napping partner.*  
  
Indy: Welcome back to our Island. I'm Indigo X, over there is my incredibly lazy cohort, Protoman. This... *she gently lifts the owl off of its perch and lets it sit on her shoulder* is Hunter, my Maverick hunting partner from the future. I begged Sailor Pluto to let me go back and get him, cuz he gets lonely without me, don't you, schnookums? *she cuddles the owl, Saturn looks over and makes gagging gestures* Anywho, I taught Hunter an incredibly useful trick the other day. Observe. *Indy turns to the owl* Hunter, go wake Proto! Go get him, boy! *Hunter flies off*  
  
Saturn: *sleepily* What did that accomplish? Hunter just flew away.  
  
Indy: *smirking* Wait.  
  
*Hunter returns, clutching a large coconut in his talons. Swooping down, he drops the coconut squarely atop Proto's unhelmeted noggin. Proto leaps up, spurting several words that quickly plunge the show from a 'TV14' to a 'M' rating. Saturn applauds.*  
  
Saturn: I take it back. Indy, that was COOL!  
  
Indy: *giving Hunter a mouse-flavored Energy Pellet* Naturally.  
  
Proto: *rubbing lump a sizeable lump on his head and adjusting his Ray-Bans* Alrighty, now that we've all had fun at my expense, let's get this show on the road, OKAY? *Proto glares malevolently at Indy.*  
  
*Indy laughs nervously, knowing that Break Man, Proto's other personality, isn't the friendliest bloke in the world and getting Proto really mad might result in a special guest appearance from him*  
  
Indy: Okays. Anywhaay, our two tribes have been surviving out there for about a week now. Let's go see how they're doing, and at the end of the show, we'll have our 1st council meetings.   
  
*cut over to the Mega Tribe's camp. Pluto is lounging under the trees, trying to keep cool. Bass and Roll are talking. Mega Man is trying to comfort Dr. Light, who is curled up in a disoriented, scared looking ball. Dr. Wily is observing. Plant Man is studying the plants, looking for edible ones, and Tengu Man is laying on the beach.*  
  
Roll: It's about time for lunch. Would somebody get some coconuts?  
  
Pluto: *suddenly alert* Got it covered! *Using his massive claws, Pluto skillfully climbs the nearest palm tree and slices several coconuts down. Roll catches them in a basket.*  
  
Doc: *wailing* SEE? HE'S GOT HUGE CLAWS AND CAN CLIMB TREES! I AM SO OUT OF MY ELEMENT!!! *sniffles* I'm going to die out here...  
  
Mega: Gosh, Doc. Mebbe you shouldn't have come on this trip.  
  
Wily: What a wiener. *to Dr. Light* You haven't got what it takes to be a real man, ya pansy!  
  
Doc: *sniffling* You take that back! I am SO a real man! Oooh, if I just had a lab with me, I'd build something that would make you EAT those words!  
  
Wily: *approaching the cowering Doc* Whassamatter? Can't fight your OWN battles, wuss boy? *kicks sand on Doc*  
  
Bass: *under breath* Look who's talking...  
  
Mega: You'd better cut it out, Wily! You're nothing but a bully!  
  
Bass: *still muttering* Niiiiice comeback there, hero-boy.  
  
Roll: I wish they knew how juvenile they looked...  
  
Bass: That's for sure.  
  
Roll: *smirking sultrily* Wanna go for a walk?  
  
Bass: *raises eyebrow* Okay.  
  
*Roll and Bass plunge into the jungle, holding hands. Plant Man watches them leave"  
  
Plant: *muttering* Just don't do it in the poison ivy, you two...  
  
Tengu: *opens one eye* Keep it down, will ya? How's a guy supposed to get his beauty sleep with you peons screaming like banshees?  
  
*Pluto 'accidentally' hurls a coconut at Tengu, hitting him in his...um...special area.*  
  
Tengu: *inaudible muttering that, if clear, wouldn't be fit for broadcast TV. Maybe cable...*  
  
Pluto: Oops. Nailed Prince Tengu in the Royal Jewels. My bad.  
  
*Tengu floats up and grabs Pluto by the tail, trying to pull him down from the tree. Pluto slashes at Tengu, nicking the end of Tengu's long nose off.*  
  
Tengu: *wails* AAAARRRRGGGHHHH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! YOU @#$%&*# CAT THINGY! YOU RUINED MY BEAUTIFUL FAAAACCCEEEE!   
  
Pluto: Man, your ideas of beauty are SERIOUSLY out of whack. *Giggling, Pluto jumps from treetop to treetop, heading into the jungle. Tengu gives chase*  
  
*camera pans back to Indy at Central HQ. Indy's about to say something when Sailor Pluto runs in.*  
  
S. Pluto: Indy, you got a letter from the future. It's from Ice Blue X. *she hands Indy a manila envelope. Indy squeals happily.*  
  
Indy: Thanks a lot, Pluto! *Pluto leaves, and Indy opens the envelope.* EEEE! This is the brand new Gundam Wing hentai that Icey told me was coming out! *Indy opens the X-rated manga and promptly drools.* Oh, DUO! My God, doesn't that hurt your back? *Indy turns the pages, examines them from different angles, and Oohs and Aahs.*  
  
Proto: Indy, what are you... *he sees what Indy is reading.* GIVE ME THAAAAT!  
  
*he snatches the mag, Indy whines in protest.*  
  
Proto: Indy, this is neither the time nor the place. Show now, smut later.  
  
Indy: *miserably* Okay. *brightening* It seems that the Mega tribe is having problems getting along. There's a lot of fighting amongst themselves, except for... THIS.  
  
*the clip of Bass and Roll holding hands is replayed*  
  
Indy: Just an innocent hiking trip? Or is a forbidden romance blooming on our fair island?  
  
Proto: You're delusional. My sis doesn't find Bass even REMOTELY attractive. I swear, you can conjure a romance out of thin air.  
  
Indy: We'll see. Anyways, let's see what's going on on the West Side with the X tribe, shall we?  
  
*camera cuts over to the X tribe's campsite. The tribe has just eaten dinner, and they all look annoyed except for Iris, who looks guilty.*  
  
Iris: Sorry, guys. I told you I can't cook.  
  
Toxic: That's no excuse. Me and Crystal spent ALL DAY catching those fish...  
  
X: *dryly* When you could have been helping with the campsite...  
  
*Crystal Snail shoots X a dirty look*  
  
Toxic: ...And you go and burn them to near inedibility. Honestly, girl, I thought you had more sense.  
  
*the tribe murmurs their approval. Iris bursts into tears and clings to Zero.*  
  
Iris: Oh, Zero! Tell them I didn't mean it!   
  
*Zero cringes, but nods to Iris.  
  
Zero: Guys, I don't think she did such a crappy job on purpose....  
  
Vile: You're just sticking up for her because you want her in the sack!  
  
*lots of angry murmuring, Sigma stands up.*  
  
Sigma: Fellow reploids, we have nothing to gain by squabbling amongst ourselves like this. It's something the primitive models on the other side of the island would do. I say we all forget about the... trout fiasco, go for a nice, relaxing swim before it gets dark, come back, and build up the fire for the evening. What say you all?  
  
*excited agreeing, the X tribe runs for the ocean.*  
  
X: C'mon, Zero! I'll race ya!  
  
*X takes off after the others. Zero is about to chase after when Sigma stops him.*  
  
Sigma: Zero, a word, if you please.  
  
Zero: Yeah? What's up?  
  
Sigma: I've done some research before we all came here. The stolen treasures of Dr. Wily are worth a fantastical amount. Lucky be the reploid that can seize them for himself, but for now, we must survive as a tribe. Cut out the fat. Only the strongest will last.  
  
Zero: Say what?  
  
Sigma: I say we strengthen our chances of winning. Form an alliance with me. Vote X off of the island tonight.  
  
Zero: WHAT?!? I can't do that! X is my best friend!  
  
Sigma: Zero, you are destined to ally with me! Vote X off tonight! It is your destiny!  
  
*Zero looks like he's thinking hard.*  
  
Sigma: *smoothly, extending his hand* Think of what a powerful team we would make, Zero. Just shake my hand, and seal the deal.  
  
*Trancelike, Zero extends his hand. He is about to shake Sigma's hand when he blinks, gasps, and shakes his head.*  
  
Zero: No. No! NOOOOOO! *he runs toward the beach, away from Sigma.*  
  
Sigma: *calling after him* You'll be back! You can't fight fate!  
  
*camera cuts back to HQ. Indy is looking in vain for where Proto hid her Gundam Wing hentai.*  
  
Indy: So, Sigma tries to sow the seeds of betrayal in the X tribe. Zero's managed to slip away from this shady character's influence this time, but will he hold out until Sigma gets voted off, if that happens?  
  
Proto: *looking suspiciously at Indy* After the break, it's time for the council meetings. Who will we be saying goodbye to? Wait and find out, when Survivor 20XX returns. *to Indy* You're not looking for that smutty manga, are you? I told you I'd give it back after the show's over.  
  
Indy: *pouting* Oh, thpppt. YOU just want to look at it.  
  
*Proto begins a long, overly defensive tirade about his sexual orientation as the camera cuts to commercials.*  
  
*commercial break, including ads for Slim Jims, Lugz, Geico auto insurance, the Cell, and a paid political endorsement advising the Canuck and Americano public to re-elect Ice Blue X for Prez of the Universe.*  
  
*camera re-opens on Central HQ.*  
  
Proto: ...and to close, I am NOT gay.  
  
Indy: Okay, OKAY! To those of you coming back from commercials, just let me say that there are times when you should be thankful for them there commercial breaks.  
  
*Proto gives a nasty glare*  
  
Indy: Anywho, I am now headed to the X tribe meeting, while Proto is joining his peeps at the Mega tribe meeting. *they teleport to the meeting sites.*  
  
*Mega tribe meeting site. There are stone benches and a large stone table surrounded by 8 tiki torches. On the table are a pencil, 8 sheets of paper, a wooden bucket with a lid, a wooden torch snuffer, and a tiki god pendant.*  
  
Proto: Okay, guys. This is the drill. Come up one at a time and write the name of whoever you want voted off on these sheets of paper. You can't vote yourself off, and you can only vote once. Any questions?  
  
Roll: Yeah, what's the necklace for?  
  
Proto: This is an Immunity necklace. Starting next week, we'll start playing two kinds of games- Immunity challenges and Reward challenges. The Immunity necklace goes to whoever wins the Immunity challenge, and prevents them from being voted off for one council meeting. Got that?  
  
*the Mega tribe nods.*  
  
Proto: Okay, cast your votes.  
  
*the tribe comes up one by one and vote. They put their ballots into the bucket through a slot in the lid.*  
  
Proto: *removing the lid* Okay, let's see. *reads* Dr. Light. Dr. Light. Tengu. Pluto. Dr. Wily. Dr. Light. Mega Man. Dr. Wily. *he looks up at the tribe* Sorry, Dad. You're off. Come forward, please.  
  
*Doc comes forward. Proto hands him the torch with his name on it.*  
  
Proto: Dr. Thomas Light, you are now exiled from the island. *he solemnly puts the torch out* The tribe has spoken.  
  
*Wily bursts out laughing*  
  
Wily: What a pansy! Bye bye, Thomas! DO send me a postcard!  
  
*Doc calmly turns around, decks Wily square in the jaw, and leaves while everyone is still in shock.*  
  
Proto: *flustered and shocked* O-over to you, Indy.  
  
*Over on the West Side, Indy explains the rules and waits while the votes are casted. Sigma keeps glancing malevolently at Zero, who is sitting by X, far, far away from Sigma. Iris is clinging to Zero's arm.*  
  
Indy: Okay, let's see here... Iris, Iris, Iris, Iris, Sigma, X, Zero, Toxic. Iris is gone.  
  
*Iris wails and hugs Zero and Colonel before coming forward.*  
  
Indy: Iris, you are exiled from the island. *Indy puts out Iris' torch* The tribe has spoken. THROW HER TO THE DRAGON!  
  
*Iris yelps in fright as she is seized by two burly men and thrown into a nearby pit. Screaming, ripping, and crunching sounds come from the pit, followed by a loud burp.*  
  
Red: Excuse me!  
  
Indy: No problem. *turns to the camera* Well, that's all for this week. Till next time, I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus, Kook kook ka joob! 'Ta!  
  
  



	3. Episode 3

Survivor 20XX  
**********************  
  
Here-there-underwear   
  
*Camera pans once again over the beautiful Iwannamilliondollar Island, headed towards Central HQ. In the sunny, sprawling living room, Indy is half-buried in the leather couch cushions, foraging for something. Proto and Sailor Saturn are absorbed in an intense game of Crash Team Racing, and Hunter the owl is perched on a lamp, observing.*  
  
Indy: Mmmf Mfff Mmmmmffff....  
  
Proto: *glancing over* Oh, Indy. If you're going to talk, get your head out of the damn couch.  
  
*In his moment of distraction, Saturn places a TNT crate in front of Proto's cart. Proto promptly runs into it and is sidelined long enough for Saturn to squeak out the win.*  
  
Saturn: Whee! Yesssss! I told you that Coco could beat Dr. Cortex! You owe me 10 bucks, mister!  
  
*Proto grudgingly shells out the cash, whilst Indy surfaces from the couch looking dejected.*  
  
Indy: *gloomily* Welcome to Iwannamilliondollar Island. It's a beautiful day, but WHO CARES!?! *Wailing, Indy dives face-first into the couch. Proto rolls his eyes... I think.*   
  
Proto: Indy, is this about what I think it is? That dirty Gundam comic that Ice Blue sent you? *sigh* Indy, I told you that I'd give it back when we go home! That dirty stuff can't be seen on network TV.  
  
*Indy sits up, a sly little look on her face.*  
  
Indy: Fine then. *She turns to Hunter, her indigo owl.* Hunter, GO FETCH!   
  
*Hunter swoops down and snatches Proto's bandanna, then gives it to Indy and perches on her shoulder.*  
  
Saturn: Ooh, a hostage situation!  
  
*Proto yells in surprise.*  
  
Proto: Hey! Give it back, Indy!  
  
Indy: *scrambling up the wall* Comic first! Then bandanna!  
  
Proto: You're nuts! Gimme my bandanna!  
  
Indy: *Hanging on the wall, out of reach* No! Not until I get my comic book back!  
  
Saturn: *sweatdrop* Um, this could take a while, folks. In the meantime, let's go to the East Side and check on the Mega tribe. We'll come back to Central later.  
  
*camera feed switches to the Mega tribe camp. Pluto is napping in the treetops, Mega and Tengu are taking a swim, Plant Man is sitting on the beach watching them, Wily is lounging in his hammock, and Bass and Roll... are mysteriously absent.*  
  
Tengu: *ducking Mega under the water playfully* I tell ya, kid, this is the life. No rules, no responsibilities... Atuneyer Potato, ya know?  
  
Mega: *splashing around* I think the phrase is 'Hakuna Matata.'  
  
Pluto: *murmuring* If this breaks into a musical number, I'm going to be sick... *suddenly, Pluto's keen ears hear a strange sound coming from the jungle... moaning, rustling leaves, twigs snapping...* GUYS! I THINK THERE'S A LION OR SOMETHING IN THE JUNGLE!  
  
Plant: We should investigate.  
  
Mega: And get ourselves eaten?  
  
Tengu: *scoffing* Fine intrepid adventurer you are. Come on, let's go on a lion hunt! A lion skin would look pret-ty spiff around here.  
  
Pluto: *leaping down from the tree* I'm game!  
  
Plant: I merely meant to study it, not kill it...  
  
Tengu: *snickering* Well then, okay, posy-head. Just because you don't want to plunge into the wild jungle and find the most vicious thing in there, stand toe-to-toe in combat with it, and bring back its tawny skin as a trophy doesn't make you a... SISSY.  
  
*everyone but Plant Man laughs their head off.*  
  
Plant: Just because I'm not a barbarian like you dosen't give you a right to amuse yourselves at my expense...  
  
Pluto: Oh, sure it does!  
  
Mega: If we're going to do this, let's go get it before it gets away!  
  
*The Mega tribe, minus Plant Man, storms into the jungle with Pluto and his keen ears leading the way. They follow the rustling and growling/moaning sound deeper and deeper into the jungle, and after about an hour of trekking, they finally stumble upon not a lion, but...*  
  
All: OH, MY GOD!  
  
*From Central HQ, a large, loud scream can be heard throughout the entire island.*  
  
*Roll and Bass look up from the pile of leaves they were, um, playing in, both shocked and annoyed at the unwelcome intrusion.*  
  
Bass: Hey, what is this, a sideshow?  
  
Roll: *trying to cover herself with the leaves* Dangit, where's my dress?  
  
Tengu: *looking smugly at Pluto* Lion, eh? I'll bet you knew very well that wasn't a lion you heard. You little smutmonger you.  
  
Roll: Oh, it WAS a lion you heard. *snickers*  
  
Bass: *snickering* Oh, stop.  
  
Pluto: *blushing so hard that the tips of his fur are tinged pink* I knew nothing ABOUT this! I seriously thought that there was a lion or something!  
  
Mega: *slowly recovering from the shock of walking in on his rival and his baby sister* Um... well... guys... I think we should... um... be getting back.  
  
*murmurs of agreement. Bass and Roll grab their clothes and duck back into the trees to change as camera feed switches back to Central HQ.*  
  
*Back at HQ, Indy is staring at Proto, who has fainted.*  
  
Indy: Um, welcome back! Oh, boy. What a loin, um, lion hunt that was! I thought something was going on between those two! Poor Proto didn't take the news well, though... hey Saturn, can you get the smelling salts from the first aid kit? My co-host is, like, dead to the world.  
  
Saturn: *from the closet* I'm not surprised, poor guy. What a shock.  
  
Indy: I think it's kind of romantic. *snickers* We'll be right back with the X tribe's Immunity Challenge, right after this. In the meantime, we'll try to get our co-host back on line.  
  
*Commercial break. Announcement that the WWF has moved to TNN, A paid political announcement for Ice Blue X, now and future President of the Universe, Foster's, the Jetta, and a plug for Indigo X's Let's Blow Up The Parent Television Council With A Scud Missile campaign.*  
  
Indy: And we're back. We got Proto to wake up from his fainting spell, but the poor guy is in NO condition to co-host.  
  
Proto: *from back* WHYYYYYY, GOD, WHYYYYYY? *hysterical wailing and gibberish*  
  
Indy: *glancing back towards the hall and moving in the opposite direction* Anywho, Saturn has graciously volunteered to step in on his behalf. Sailor Saturn, welcome to the show.  
  
Saturn: Pleasure.  
  
Indy: Anyway, today the X tribe is scheduled for an Immunity Challenge, so let's head out and see if they found their clue!  
  
*Over on the West Side, the X tribe is puzzling over a strange looking map that was left by their firecircle.*  
  
Colonel: There's something written on it.  
  
Crystal: Well, don't keep us in suspense. What does it say?  
  
Colonel: It says, "Tonight, one will be saved from exile. But first, they face the crocodiles. Be cunning as a cat and swift as the wind, first one to the 'X', an Immunity wins!" What the bloody hell does that mean?  
  
Indy: *teleporting in* It means that your first Challenge is a cross-island footrace. *hands out maps* Follow the map. First one to the 'X' wins the Challenge and an Immunity for tonight.  
  
Zero: *suspiciously* What about the 'crocodile' part? What's up with that?  
  
Indy: That's the fun part. Part of the race leads through a swamp infested with man-and-reploid-eating crocs. Now, the race is every man for himself, so if you stop to help a buddy in trouble, it may cost you the Immunity. Everyone clear on the rules?  
  
X: Indy, how do we get past the swamp without getting eaten?  
  
Indy: *smirking* That would be the 'cunning' part. Use the wits you were built with, honey, and you'll do fine. Okay? LINE UP! *The X tribe lines up, each one clutching their maps.* Ready...Set....STOP! *The X tribe starts, then stops, falling over each other in the process. They all glare at Indy.* Okay, for real this time. Ready, Get SEEEEETTTT... and go.  
  
*The tribe takes off into the wilderness. Zero, being light and quick, is in the lead, and poor Crystal, being a snail, is WAAAAAY behind. After about a half-hour of running, the main group arrives at the swamp and stops. The crocodiles are floating lazily about the water, waiting for dinner to 'drop in'.*  
  
Vile: If only I had my Goliath with me...  
  
Sigma: Oh, please. Can't you do anything without that blasted mech suit?  
  
Toxic: No sweat! I can outswim those big, slow crocs anyday! *Toxic dives into the water and makes it about halfway across before he is promptly eaten.*  
  
Group: EWWWW....  
  
*The tribe looks around for vines or anything to grab on to, but there's nothing. They stand around thinking about how to cross the swamp when Crystal finally catches up.*  
  
Crystal: *panting* What's up? Why is everybody standing around?  
  
Sigma: *coolly* Toxic Seahorse was just eaten by those crocodiles, and the swamp appears to be impassible.  
  
Crystal: No, it isn't.  
  
Colonel: Look here, you shiny-shelled slimeball, there is NO WAY to cross that swamp. No ropes, no vines, no nothing.  
  
Crystal: Shows how much you guys know. Watch me. *Crystal throws what appears to be shimmering drops of water at the crocs, who are promptly encased in crystal blocks. He skips across the blocks with barely any difficulty.* See? You need to be creative. Oh, and guys? I'd hurry. Crystal Barrier dosen't hold up forever... *he trudges at a racing snail's pace toward the home stretch.*  
  
Zero: Why, that tricky little... *unfortunately, Colonel, Sigma, and Vile have zipped across, and the crystal blocks are starting to crack.* C'mon, X, hurry!  
*Zero hops across with no problem, but just as X is about to hop to the last block, the crystal disintegrates, tumbling X into the swamp.*  
  
X: AAAA! HELP!  
  
Zero: *grabbing X's hand* I got ya!  
  
*Suddenly, a sinister shadow looms over the two...*  
  
Sigma: *kicking X away from Zero* Oh, no you don't! *Grabbing Zero by the wrist, Sigma takes off into the jungle with Zero in tow, leaving X to the crocs.*  
  
*At the Finish line, Crystal, who won the race by a feeler, is being awarded the Immunity. The others are congratulating him on his clever idea when Sigma arrives, towing a hysterical Zero.*  
  
Vile: Hey, where's X?  
  
Sigma: *with mock despair* The poor boy... he was eaten by the crocodiles.  
  
*Zero screams a few choice phrases that I don't think are even legal.*  
  
Back at HQ...  
  
Indy: And so, in one bad decision and one grotesque bit of cheating, two X tribe members are dinner for some ravenous crocs. But, Crystal Snail's ingenuity pays off and wins him the Immunity for tonight, and the crafty escargot stays on the island... this time. After the break- the voting commences! Who will stay and who will go? Find out after this!  
  
*Another commercial break. Beer commercials, Mick Foley for President, Amtrak-now 68% crash free, and a movie ad for Lost Souls.*  
  
*At the Mega Tribe meeting place, everyone is a bit uneasy. Dr. Wily is glaring daggers through Roll and Bass, Mega can't look his sister in the face, and Tengu is still teasing Pluto about the 'lion hunt.' One by one, the tribe casts their votes.*  
  
Saturn: Okay, let's see... Pluto. Roll. Bass. Bass. Mega Man. Tengu. Wily. Sorry, Bass, you're gone. *Bass brings his torch forward, Saturn puts it out.* The tribe has spoken.  
  
*Bass goes to leave, but first kisses Roll passionately. Wily and Mega pull them apart and start yelling, while Bass heads toward the docks. Roll blows him a kiss.*  
  
Roll: Goodbye...  
  
Bass: *winks* I'll keep in touch. See ya when this is all over.  
  
*Over at X tribe's meeting place, the slightly smaller X tribe awaits their voting. But first, Indy has something to say.*  
  
Indy: Sadly, crocodiles tragically devoured two members of your tribe. It's a sad, screwed up thing, and I apologize for setting the whole thing up. *Solemnly, Indy snuffs out Toxic Seahorse's torch. Just as she is about to snuff out X's, however...*  
  
X: WAIT!  
  
*A dirty and banged up but otherwise unhurt X trudges into the meeting place, towing a dead crocodile.*  
  
X: *smugly* I brought dinner.  
  
*The tribe, except for Sigma, crowd around X, chatting excitedly.*  
  
Zero: *squeezing X happily* I am SO glad you're not dead, partner!  
  
X: *chuckling* Thanks, Zero. I'm glad I'm not dead, too.  
  
Sigma: But how in the hell did you...  
  
X: *flashes his X-Buster* This isn't for decoration, you know.  
  
Zero: Ha HA! That's my partner!  
  
Indy: Okay. We're all glad that X is okay, but we have a vote to do, if that's fine with y'all. Remember- you can't vote Crystal off.   
  
*Crystal shows off his Immunity pendant proudly.*  
  
Crystal: *doing a little dance* Na na na na, na na, can't touch this! Na na na na, na na, can't touch this...  
  
*Vile slugs Crystal in the stomach, X tribe applauds*  
  
*the tribe votes, Indy reads them off- Sigma, Sigma, Sigma, Vile, X, Zero.*  
  
Indy: Sigma, you're off. *she puts out his torch* The tribe has spoken. I'd throw you to the dragon, but I got a strongly worded letter from the network saying not to instigate in the demise of exilees. Damned corporate slimeballs. So, get yer ass outta here!  
  
X, Zero: *doing a sassy little dance* Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye!   
  
Sigma: *rounding furiously* YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY! THE GREAT JUDGEMENT IS COMING! ONLY THE WORTHY SHALL SURVIVE! KNOW THIS, AND SUFFER! *Sigma huffily stomps toward the docks.*  
  
Indy: Ohhhhhkay. Anywho, two unlikely exilees got the boot tonight, and sadly, one was eaten. What'll happen next? Stay tuned! 'Till next time, this is Indigo X for Protoman and Sailor Saturn, saying 'Watch out! Those crocs know where you live!' G'night!  



	4. Episode 4

Survivor 20XX  
bibidi-babadi-buu  
  
*as the camera once again sweeps over Iwannamilliondollar Island, loud music can be heard as the camera approaches Central HQ. VERY loud music. Very loud 80's party music. Upon entering HQ, we find Indy and Sailor Saturn dancing up a storm to Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like A Record). Protoman is sitting on the couch, making a face.*  
  
Indy and Saturn: *singing karaoke* You spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby, right round round round...  
  
Proto: Note to self. Karaoke is Japanese for 'tone deaf.' *to Indy and Saturn* Hey guys... *gestures to camera*  
  
Indy: Oh, YEAH! *turns music down* Hey, there! Welcome back to the island! I crushingly hug you, O faithful viewer! First off, I'd like to point out that my scrumdiddlyumptious co-host, Protoman, has made a glorious full recovery from, well, one hell of a shock he had last week. I know you're just as happy to have him back as we are.  
  
Voice from somewhere: Boo! Proto's a schmuck! Boo!  
  
Indy: *looking around* Humph. Wonder who that was.  
  
Proto: *kicking back, sighing happily* I don't really care. I'm in a great mood, and I'm all ready to do the show again.  
  
Indy: *smirking* Yeah, therapy'll do that to ya. Anyway, all mystery jerk-heads aside, we're all happy to have Proto back. *Saturn and Indy hug Proto whilst saying 'Awwwww!'* And on that note, on with the...  
  
*suddenly, a siren goes off throughout Central. Chibi-Moon bursts into the common room, panting and slightly roughed up.*  
  
Chibi: Indy! Proto! Hotaru! There's a...  
  
Saturn: *quietly, through her teeth* Rini! Ix-nay on the Otaru-hay!   
  
Chibi: Oh. Sorry. Indy! Proto! Sailor Saturn! There's a big problem in the Time Travel Department! Hurry, come with me!  
  
*the gang hurries to the Time Travel Dept., and upon arriving, see the place in a shambles and Sailor Pluto, the Grand Pooh-Bah of Time Travel, bound and gagged on the floor, with her staff broken over her head.*  
  
All: SATURN!  
  
Indy: You had a guy over? Geez, I didn't know you were into that sort of...  
  
All: INDY!!!  
  
Indy: Sorry, sorry!  
  
*carefully, the gang unties Sailor Pluto, who shakily stands up, rubbing a large bump on her head.*  
  
S. Pluto: Owww. *groans* Thanks, guys.  
  
Proto: What happened here, Pluto?  
  
S. Pluto: Well, I was about to send Sigma back to his time. Everything was going fine, until I started to open the Time Warp.  
  
*Indy starts humming 'The Time Warp', Proto shoots her a 'Don't Even Start' glare*  
  
S. Pluto: I started to open the warp, when suddenly Sigma lashed out at me, snatched the staff from my hands, and hit me over the head with it. When I woke up, I was tied up here.  
  
Chibi: I tried to use my Pink Sugar Heart Attack... *looks down* But he just laughed and knocked me over as he ran out. He's somewhere on the island, guys!  
  
All: *gulp*  
  
Indy: Ummm... heh heh... It seems, folks, that we've got a bit of a situation. *dashes to control panel, talks into mic* Ummm... attention all Survivors. This is your Islandmaster. We have a problem... Sigma is loose somewhere on the island. Now, we don't want to lose any ratings or anything, so the game will continue as scheduled... just be a bit extra careful out there, OK? Over and out.  
  
*mass gasps, groans, and whimpers throughout the island*   
  
X: *clearly audible from any point on the island* WE'RE ALL DOOMED!  
  
Indy: Heh heh... in any case, all genocidal psychopaths aside, last time on the Mega Tribe's side of the island, Bass was voted off the island after a wild turn of events involving...   
  
Proto: *twitching violently* Um, Indy, could you please, as a personal favor to me, skip that part of the recap?  
  
Indy: *looking at her partner in a concerned fashion* Uh, yeah. Sure, buddy. *to camera* Anyway, let's just say that Bass was voted off the island last time after certain... complications arose.  
  
Proto: *smiling* Thanks, Indy. You're a real pal. *slips Indy a manila envelope* Open it later.  
  
Indy: *sparkly eyes* Okee! *to camera* So, without further adieu, let's go to the Mega tribe!  
  
*over on the East side, the Mega tribe is all huddled up around the fire, terrified of Sigma. Well... almost all of them.*  
  
Wily: *lounging in his hammock as per usual, looking with disgust at the frightened robots* Come on. I'd expect this kind of behavior from Mega Man and his sister, but not you three. Tengu! Pluto! Plant Man! Where are your guts? We've nothing to fear from Sigma.  
  
Plant: But...but... he's a killer, sir!  
  
Pluto: He HATES us 'lesser models'! And he hates you humans even more!  
  
Tengu: I'm too GORGEOUS to die!  
  
Mega: *looking up suspiciously* And how would YOU know that we don't have anything to fear from Sigma? Do you know something we don't, Wily?  
  
Wily: Of course not, blue dweeb. He... just dosen't seem like such a bad guy, that's all.  
  
Mega: *stretching out by the fire* Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you?  
  
Roll: *getting up, brushing the wrinkles out of her skirt* I'm going into the jungle for some fruit. Be back soon.  
  
Mega: *sitting up* Into the jungle ALONE? Sigma could be in there! Let me go with you.  
  
Roll: *smiling* I'm not afraid. I can take care of myself, big brother. *kisses his cheek, grabs a basket, heads into the jungle*  
  
Mega: *calling after her* Be careful!  
  
*Roll goes into the jungle, and fills her basket with coconuts, papayas, mangoes, and other jungle fruits. As she works, she is unaware of a crunching of tree branches, the presence of someone else. Suddenly, she realizes she is not alone, gasps, and whirls around to face...*  
  
Roll: *breaking into a huge smile* BASS!  
  
Bass: In the titanium flesh. *raises a finger to his lips* Ssh. If they find me here, I'll be in a lot of trouble. *shakes his finger, tsks quietly* Little girl, you shouldn't be out here alone. Who KNOWS what kind of lunatics you might run into?   
  
Roll: *giggling, hugging Bass tight* What kind, indeed? I'm glad to see you, tho. I missed you.  
  
Bass: Well, darlin', isn't that a co-inky-dink. I missed you, too. That's why I'm here. *grins wolfishly* So, baby, shall we shag now or shag later?  
  
Roll: *smirking, setting her basket down* Um, let's see... now's good.  
  
*Back at camp...*  
  
Pluto: *sharpening his claws on a rock, stops suddenly and perks up his ears* Hey guys, do you hear a...  
  
All: *glaring at Pluto, still remembering the results of the last wild goose chase that he led them on* DON'T START.  
  
Pluto: Okay, okay. *rolls eyes* Sheesh. *goes back to sharpening his claws*   
  
*camera cuts back to HQ*  
  
Indy: *purposefully ignoring the Bass thing for Proto's sanity's sake* Hmm. Not much tonight in the way of activity. Everybody's scared to death of Sigma... except Roll. What a brave girl. She's not worried about Sigma at all. After all, she's got other things on her mind. *winks at camera*  
  
Proto: *looking suspiciously at Indy* Other things like what? Is there something I should know?  
  
Indy: *defensively* Of course not! I simply meant that she...um... has a big responsibility, gathering fruit and all that for the whole tribe.  
  
Proto: *smiling proudly* Yup! That's my sis! Never afraid of extra responsibility!  
  
Indy: *cackling to herself* Nope, she sure isn't... Okay, folks, when we return, we'll see how the X tribe is dealing with the Sigma crisis. Sooo, keep your derrière in your chairy-air, 'cuz we'll be right back!  
  
*commercial break. Ads for RFWF- the reigning kings of parody, George W. Bush- thank you for voting early and often, Amp- Read her stuff 'cuz she kicks arse, plug for 'Dude, Where's My Car?', and the mandatory invitation to 'come to the mountains of Busch.'*  
  
*cut back to Central HQ. Indy is somersaulting gleefully about the common room, Saturn is giggling, and Proto is standing with his arms folded in his usual manner, looking pleased with himself.*  
  
Indy: WHEEEE! Welcome back to Survivor 20XX! Over the break, I opened the envelope Proto gave me... and it's the Gundam Wing manga that he stole from me ages ago! He gave it back! He's such a SWEEEETIEEEEE....   
  
Proto: *blush* Well, no problem. Just... know when and when not to read it, m'kay?  
  
Indy: *nodnod* Okee. Anywho, for the latest on the Sigma situation, let's go to our eyes in the sky, Za, Omega, and Gyro Man in the Rateater 1.  
  
Proto: *confused* We have a helicopter?  
  
Indy: Duh! We've had it since day 1, remember?  
  
Proto: Oh, yeah. I wonder if we've been paying the copter crew....  
  
*cut to the inside of the VERY posh Rateater 1.*  
  
Za: Thankees, Indy! No, we haven't been getting paid, but Indy's been keeping us well stocked with supplies to say the least...  
  
Omega: *slurred, obviously hammered* Yeah, where's our dough, you cheap-ass little....  
  
Za: *breaking in* That would be the side effect to all the Mike's that Indy sent up. Anywho, we're circling the island relatively lowly, trying to see if we can catch a glimpse of the renegade Sigma. It's doubtful, seeing as there's plenty of cover down there, but we'll try our best to... OMEGA! Get out of the hot tub!  
  
Omega: *splashing, fully clothed in decidedly non-swimwear attire* I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!  
  
Za: *sweatdrop* Um, back to you, Indy.  
  
*back at HQ, everyone in range is glaring reproachfully at Indy*  
  
Indy: WHAT?   
  
Proto: Remind me to have a loooong heart-to-heart with you about the evils of alcohol.  
  
Indy: *sighs* I'm a bad, bad girl. *to camera, brightly* Now let's go over to the West Side to see what the X tribe is up to. Last time, if you'll recall, a botched Immunity Challenge led to the untimely demise of Toxic Seahorse, and thanks to Sigma could have lead to X's demise as well. But X is a clever little fellow, so he's just fine. *shows clip from last time of X's triumphant return from the Swamp of Doom, bearing a dead crocodile* That bit of courage on X's part, adding to the fact that Sigma pushed him into the swamp in the first place, resulted in Sigma's exile. So without further hoopla, here we are now going to the West Side!  
  
*camera cuts to the X tribe's camp. Vile is sitting on a large sand dune near the beach, where he has an excellent vantage point of anyplace someone might enter the campsite through the jungle. As he keeps watch, the other surviving members of the X tribe prepare for their evening meal.*  
  
X: Oh, shoot. I'm out of coconuts. I need to go and get more.  
  
Zero: Not alone, you're not. Sigma wants to kill you most of all. I say if we need to go in there, we all go together.  
  
Crystal: Sounds fair to me.  
  
Colonel: Vile, stay here and guard the camp. If anything that isn't us comes out of that jungle, blast the crap out of it. Understand?  
  
Vile: *snappily saluting* Yessir, Colonel, sir!  
  
*and so, the four members of the X tribe venture forth into the deep, dark jungle. After searching for a while, they come upon a small coconut grove- just what they were searching for. Climbing up the trees easily, X (borrowing Colonel's beam sabre) and Zero carefully slash down all the best fruits while Colonel and Crystal catch them in baskets. The four are enjoying themselves- so much so that they don't notice an ominous figure creeping nearer... nearer... until finally!*  
  
Sigma: *bursting from the underbrush and snarling terribly at X* YOUR LIFE IS MINE, BOY!  
  
All: OH, SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*The four run like mad, with Sigma gaining hot pursuit. Unable to keep up, Crystal does what he always does in panicky situations- withdraws into his impenetrable shell and waits for the danger to go away, while rolling the shell after the others as best he can. Soon, the four find that they're running (and rolling) right to camp. Frantically, they yell to Vile for assistance.*  
  
Vile: *looking to the woods, seeing what's coming* Oh, CRAP. Crap crap crap crap craaaapppp... *suddenly seized by an epiphany of inspiration, Vile grits his teeth and fires his shoulder gun at some trees. These fall and make a heavy wooden wall that will perfectly succeed in keeping Sigma out... however, it also does a good job at keeping the other tribesmen out.*  
  
Zero: *reaching the wall* Oh, shit. VILE! VILE, LET US IN!  
  
Colonel: No time for that! Come on, then, we need to get through this wall!  
  
*while X and Crystal use their X-Buster and Shell Roll attacks to keep Sigma at bay, Colonel and Zero slash furiously at the wall. Finally, they have a hole big enough to slip through.*  
  
Zero: COME ON, GUYS! HURRY, HURRY!  
  
*the Tribe slips through, and Colonel uses a large loose log to seal the hole in the wall.*  
  
Sigma: *from other side* I'll get you! I'll get you when you least expect it!  
  
Vile: *approaching the tribe nervously* Uh, guys? You OK?  
  
All: *panting, downright nasty glares at Vile*  
  
Vile: *chuckling nervously* What?  
  
*camera cuts back to Central HQ*  
  
Indy: Well, there you have it. The X tribe nearly escapes being Sigma's victims... no thanks to Vile, who I must say deserves the Golden Chicken award for that grade-A display of cowardice and abandonment of one's friends.  
  
Proto: I'll second that.  
  
Saturn: No arguments here.  
  
Indy: Yeah. Well, after the break, the voting commences! Who will stay and who will go?  
  
Saturn: *cough* Vile. *cough* Excuse me. It's a tad dry in here. *drinks a Mike's*  
  
Indy: Most agreeable coughing fit I ever heard. Well, keep your heiner in the recliner, 'cuz Survivor 20XX will be right back!  
  
*Commercial break. Ads for Mike's Hard Lemonade- the cast of Survivor 20XX gets wasted off of it, you should, too!, Comedy Central's Battlebots- really awesome gratuitous destruction, Mega Man X5- whoops Majora's Mask in the tucas, one of those really nifty 'Truth' ads (the one with the bodybags being piled up around the Philip-Morris building), and a plug for the upcoming WWF pay-per-view.*  
  
*cut to the Mega tribe meeting site, where Protoman is preparing to conduct the evening's vote.*  
  
Proto: Wait a second, where's Roll?  
  
Pluto: Hasn't she come back yet, Mega?  
  
Mega: *wringing his hands worriedly* I hope nothing happened to her...  
  
Proto: *narrowing his eyes... maybe* Nothing had BETTER have happened to her.  
  
Roll: *bounding in with two VERY full fruit baskets* Sorry I'm late, guys! Took me a while to find what I needed.  
  
Mega: *tilting his head slightly* You're all sweaty...  
  
Roll: It's hot.  
  
Tengu: Your dress is ripped...  
  
Roll: I caught it on a snagger bush. *narrows eyes* Are you guys insinuating something?   
  
All: No! Of course not!  
  
Proto: *sighing* Okay, okay. Now that we're all accounted for, can we get on with the voting, please?  
  
*the tribe comes forward one by one and casts their votes.*  
  
Proto: Okay, let's see... Mega Man. Wily. Wily. Tengu. Wily. Pluto. Wily, come forward.  
  
*Dr. Wily comes forward, none too happy.*  
  
Wily: Which one of you three was it? Huh? I'll find out and make you pay! I swear to it, I will!  
  
Proto: Dr. Albert Wily, you have been voted to leave the island. *puts out Wily's torch* The tribe has spoken.  
  
Wily: *curses, trudges off towards the dock*  
  
Proto: Hey, just between us, which one of you three Wilybots voted for Wily?  
  
Plant: Guilty. *chuckling* His Godawful snoring was driving me crazy.  
  
All: *laugh*  
  
*camera cuts over to the X tribe meeting place. Colonel, Zero, X, and Crystal are sitting close together, far away from Vile. After all, there are certain things that a group of people can't do without becoming closer friends, and fighting off and narrowly escaping a crazed maniac is one of them. Plus, they all hate Vile's guts.*  
  
Indy: Guys, I'd like to commend you on escaping Sigma using the awesome force of teamwork. Together, there's nothing you can't accomplish. *turns to Vile* As for you, Vile... *tucks her hands into her armpits and waves her elbows like wings, makes chicken noises. The others follow suit.*  
  
Vile: *hangs head in shame* Come on, guys...  
  
X tribe: SHUT UP!  
  
Indy: Look, I think we all know how the vote's going to turn out. Why don't we save time and just kick Vile's butt off the island?  
  
X tribe: YEAH!  
  
Vile: But that's against the rules...  
  
Indy: *malevolently* I AM THE ISLANDMASTER! I MAKE THE RULES!  
  
Saturn: *over Central's PA system* WHOOHOO! YOU GO, GIRL!  
  
*whistling 'Heigh-Ho', the four members of the X tribe each grab one of Vile's limbs, pick him up, walk to the dock, and heave-ho him right into the ocean.*  
  
Indy: *nodding* THAT was a beautiful thing. Well, a nice, productive evening here on Iwannamilliondollar, with two big heels, Wily and Vile, getting the boot. 'Till next time, this is Indigo X for Protoman and Sailor Saturn, saying that Ice Blue X's mom works for the phone company, so beware of prank calls from Canada! Peace out!  
  
*camera fades out, catching some audio of Vile crying out that he can't swim*  
  
  



	5. Episode 5

  
Survivor 20XX  
Fun-well done-hot dog bun-my sister's a nun  
  
*the Survivor 20XX theme song, Garth Brooks' 'Two Pina Coladas', plays as the camera pans to Iwannamilliondollar's Central HQ. Inside, Indy is sitting by her CD player with a box of hankies. Sailor Saturn is sitting at the indigo colored Imac, obviously reading something hilarious. Protoman comes in wearing a pair of red and silver swim trunks, his bandanna, and a pair of Ray-Bans.*  
  
Proto: Hey, girls, we got a show to do. Indy, what's the matter?  
  
Indy: *sniffle* This song with Eminem and Dido... it's so terribly, terribly ironic... the poor guy went crazy because Em didn't write him, and Em's letter finally arrives- after he drives his car off a bridge with his pregnant girlfriend in the trunk. *blows her nose*   
  
Proto: OhhhhKayyyy... and Saturn, what's so danged funny?  
  
Saturn: Well, first off, the fact that you're wearing a bandanna around your neck while laying out on the beach- you're going to get a screwed up tanline, y'know. Secondly, have you READ this RFWF thing? It's HILARIOUS! A lot better that THIS two-bit parody, that's for sure.  
  
Proto: Well, Mags, Black Draco, and the rest of the RFWF crew are paid professionals.   
  
*at RFWF HQ...*   
  
Mags: WTF?!? We get PAID?  
  
BD: That's news to me.  
  
*Vile walks in, everyone goes nuts, and he nods in satisfaction and walks out*  
  
Mags: That was pointless as hell.  
  
*back at Survivor 20XX's HQ...*  
  
Proto: Okay, now that we have all the plugs and cameos out of the way...  
  
Indy: *sniggers* Yeah, right.  
  
Proto: Can we PLEASE get to the show?  
  
Indy: Oh, Okay. Last time, we got rid of one evil scientist and one piece of purple chicken crap. The scientist went back home, and I do believe the chicken crap drowned.  
  
Saturn: But... if Vile drowned... then how was he just... oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.  
  
Great Gazoo: *popping in* Silly dum-dum girl! You should know by now that Survivor 20XX makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! *pops out*  
  
Indy: But the problem still remains that we have a psycho loose on the island who is driven by an insane thirst for vengance and blood and perhaps a Coke. We don't know where he is exactly, but we know he's not here at Central, because we're protected by a great big fence, and in case someone gets past the fence, we have a massive horde of attack Mets.  
  
*outside, said Mets waddle around, looking as cute as all get out and as threatening as a daisy chain.*   
  
Indy: And so, secure in the fact that the residents and guests of Central are perfectly safe, let's go to the Mega tribe's side of the island.  
  
Vegeta: *who's been lounging on the couch this whole time* Yes, let's already!  
  
*camera cuts to the Mega tribe camp, where only Pluto, Tengu, and Mega are present.*  
  
Mega: I hope those two get back soon.  
  
Tengu: Me, too. I'm famished.  
  
*suddenly, a horrific scream rips through the jungle, followed by a crazed, evil laugh.*  
  
Mega: *panicked* ROLL!!!  
  
Pluto: *shaking his head sadly* Neh, Roll's fine, but I guess our bald crazy pal doesn't like flowers much. C'mon, let's go see if there's anything left to put together...  
  
*the three trek through the jungle, and eventually come upon Sigma pulling at the petals on Plant Man's head, ripping them off. Plant Man himself is quite unoperational.*   
  
Sigma: Let's see... she loves me, she loves me not. She loves me...  
  
Tengu: Put the pansy down promptly, you putrid pussy!  
  
Sigma: *chuckling darkly* Pathetic. *raises his Beam Sabre* And what are you antiques planning to do about it?  
  
Roll: *runs in* Guys, I heard a scream! What the heck is going Oooooooh shit.  
  
Sigma: How quaint. I just did away with a flower, now I get to rid myself of a little blue hero, a young girl, a... um... flying masked guy and a... a... *eyes Pluto, baffled* a... what in the HELL are you?  
  
Mega: He's a space cat!  
  
Roll: I thought he was a wolverine.  
  
Tengu: He's obviously a polar bear!  
  
Pluto: *slightly offended* Come ON! You guys don't even know what I am? Fine friends you are.  
  
Sigma: *flustered* WHATEVER! I'm going to kill you all now anyway, so in a moment, it won't matter. *raises his sabre to Roll's throat* Ladies first.  
  
Voice from behind: LIKE HELL! *three violet plasma shots burst from out of nowhere, singing Siggy's shoulder and causing him to drop the sabre*  
  
Mega: What in the heck?  
  
Bass: *stepping out of the brush* I've been a very bad boy. *smirk*  
  
Roll: *giggling* Have you? *kissies*   
  
Mega: OKAY, BREAK IT UP, YOU TWO! *pushes them apart* Bass, what are you doing here?  
  
Bass: Saving your asses, it would appear, Blue Boy.  
  
*Mega and Bass stare each other down, and things look like they might get ugly*  
  
*cut back to HQ*  
  
Indy: Ooh, close shave for the Mega tribe... poor Plant Man, tho. It's a real shame- he never did no harm to no one... eh, I need a drink. *shuffles barward*  
  
Proto: WTF? Bass? He's not supposed to be here! He's... *looks behind him, sees Indy headed toward the bar* Indy, wait up!  
  
*Indy walks into the Central HQ bar, a very classy joint with classy booze and a REALLY classy bartender.*  
  
Indy: *sits on the bar* Lowell... I need some sauce...  
  
Lowellius: *hurries in from the back* Sorry, Indies. *smooches her* What can I get you?  
  
Indy: *giggles, tickles Lowell's chin* The usual'll be fine, sweetie.  
  
Lowellius: *blush* Right away, Indy. *brings her an ice cold Mike's*  
  
Proto: *standing at door, agape* What in the... INDY! Aren't you getting a bit too... friendly... with the bartender?  
  
Indy: No, why? *to Lowell* How much do I owe you?  
  
Lowellius: Nothing, of course. Little Indy's drinks are always free at my bar. ^^  
  
Proto: *coughs in surprise* LITTLE Indy? What, are you pulling a Washu now?  
  
Indy: Never mind, Proto. We've got to go to commercials now. *winks at Lowell* I'll see YOU later.  
  
Lowellius: *starts polishing the bar, winks back* Right. See ya, you fine thing you.   
  
*cut to commercials as Proto looks back and forth at Indy and Lowell*  
  
*commercial break. Ads for Mega Man X5- The game that has the FDA's daily recommended allowance of explosions, Indigo X's Lost Decade- MM history gets a new chapter coming this summer, Lowellius' bar- pink haired chicks named Indy drink free everyday, and Budweiser- WAZZZUUUUUPPPPPP?*  
  
*return to Central HQ. Indy's sitting by Vegeta on the couch, whittling something. Saturn's STILL reading RFWF and laughing hysterically, and Protoman has a baffled look on his face.*  
  
Vegeta: What are you making?  
  
Indy: An ocarina like Link's.  
  
Vegeta: Why?  
  
Indy: I dunno. Just want one, I guess.  
  
Saturn: Heehee... Vile, you're the man.  
  
Proto: WHAT IS IT WITH THAT BARTENDER?!? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!  
  
Indy: *setting her ocarina-in-progress down* I think it's time to go to the X tribe's camp. We're just not all that interesting anymore. Go on. We'll be here when you get back.  
  
*cut to the X- tribe's camp. X, Zero, and Colonel are playing a game of kick-the-snail. Crystal is curled up in his shell, being kicked about. Finally, Colonel boots him into a black colored goal.*  
  
Colonel: HA! GOAL!  
  
X: *marks down the point* You're good at this.  
  
Crystal: *pokes his head out* Oy... how come I have to be the ball?  
  
Zero: Because you're the only one of us that can curl and roll.  
  
Crystal: Why can't we use a coconut or something?  
  
Colonel: Because coconuts don't make that nifty squealing noise when we kick 'em.  
  
Crystal: Oh. *curls back up, the game continues*  
  
*cut back to Central HQ*  
  
Proto: Well, that was a huge waste of time.  
  
Indy: Yup. Sure was.  
  
Saturn: Hey, after commercials, it's voting time. Maybe that'll be interesting.  
  
Vegeta: Maybe.  
  
Proto: What are you DOING here?  
  
Vegeta: *shrugs* I have to be. The author has a crush on me.  
  
Proto: Oh.  
  
Indy: Well, after the break, it's voting time. And, our last chance today to actually be interesting. My gosh, our ratings are probably down the toilet by now...  
  
*cut to commercial. Ads for Push It- the epic serial by Indy's muse Amp, Hannibal- take a bite out of crime and chase it with a fine wine, WWF No Way Out- see Austin kick HHH's sweet patootie, and 'Anything', Indigo X's WWF serial, being presentented at Mechadrake.com.*  
  
*cut to the Mega tribe's meeting place. Roll is seated on Bass' lap, and the others are looking a bit skittish.*  
  
Proto: Okay, gang. You know the drill. Let's make it good.  
  
*the Mega tribe casts their votes.*  
  
Proto: Okay, let's see... Tengu, Roll, Roll, and... Roll? Oh, boy. Roll, I'm sorry, but you're off. *puts out Roll's torch* The tribe has spoken.  
  
Roll: No biggie. Bass can take me home.  
  
Proto: OH, NO HE CAN'T. You're both heading home on separate boats.  
  
Bass & Roll: *grumble*  
  
*cut to the X tribe's side, where Indy has finally gotten the X tribe to stop playing kick-the-snail.*  
  
Indy: Okay, the sooner the vote's over with, the sooner we can get back to your game... the remaining 3 of you, anyway.  
  
*the X tribe votes.*  
  
Indy: Okee... X, Crystal, Crystal, and Crystal.  
  
Crystal: WHAT? How come, guys?  
  
X: Eh, we were getting sick of playing kick-the-snail.  
  
Crystal: Oh, okay.  
  
Indy: Well, now that that's over, I guess I'll say goodbye by playing something on my new ocarina... *puts the ocarina to her lips and plays the New Wave Bossa Nova.*  
  
*suddenly, the whole island starts to rumble and rise out of the ground until it's evident that Iwannamilliondollar Island is not an island at all, but a gargantuan turtle. The turtle lazily swims out to sea, away from the boats and further away from the mainland.*  
  
Indy: Oh, crap.  
  
*camera cuts off as the turtle swims further out*  



End file.
